It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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