I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
