i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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