the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
