I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
