I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
