I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
