so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
