the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
