My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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