I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
