so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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