we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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