im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
