Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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