you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
