Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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