Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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