I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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