Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
