I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
