smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drake has all the answers
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
