just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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