Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
