she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize