So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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