my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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