i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dad just said "fuck circus"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
