whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
