This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
