I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
