Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
