My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My vagina is officially offended.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
