You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
