why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
