The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
