Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
