am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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