she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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