were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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