Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
