I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
