His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
