drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Green mimosas i think yes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
