Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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