did you get engaged???
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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