he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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