Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
