I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
