She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
