you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So vagazzling was a success
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
