if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
